slidesofaustralia

As I type this the Sun is out and pouring down some feel good factor. This time on Thursday will probably be another matter, the forecast is cold, wet and rain over London. Mr D and I are meeting up for our annual trip to the National Geographic Society where the London Dive Chamber are holding a series of Lectures on Diving, presented by the likes of Monty Halls an ex RM Officer who has made a career out of Media Diving and making Excellent Documentaries for TV etc. kkma.

Part 2.

My mantle lies over the hearth. You will have to work out where this Blogg originated from to get the connection but as I feel in a stoopid mood I will continue with the Jack-a-nory.

Well the Awks were becoming fed up with the Philistines who had a closed shop at the Iron Foundery. Thats where the Mantles were being made to order, so they started there own chapter and were known as the "Awks Angels" who's leader was a 7ft dwarf called Larry, now Larrys Auntie Quasimodo was married to Mustavafag the Philistine Tobacconist who had a shop on the corner of Fagash and Butt Street.

Mustavafag had the Royal Warrant and Franchise to supply Vic & Alb with a half pound of Cannabis on a weekly basis due to the fact that every time Vic dropped a sprog she used Cannabis to relieve the pain . Larry was becoming wise to this regular event and he wanted in.

His other half Sinthia was due to drop twins at any time. If he could half-hinch some Cannabis and give Sinthia some sprog relief then he would be quids in. So picking up his mobile phone he dialed Aunty Quas and threatened to stop her Dole money and family benefit if she did not help him. After a lot of verbal abuse Aunty Quas agreed to parting company with some of her stash which made Larry one happy 7ft dwarf.

On his return to Ogre Towers just off of Obesity Street and at the junction with Fagash and Butt Street he met coming towards him Mustavafag who was deep in conversation with one Tom Crapper who had a reputation with the Ladies. Larry was agitated by what he saw, Tom was carrying a state of the art Bone China Dungie with painted Hyacinths on it. Hello lads Larry said, Hello Larry they replied where are you going to. Well its a long story but I should be with Sinth as she is just about to go into Labour with twins . Where are you off to he said to Mustavafag. I'm off to the Palace to see Vic and Alb with their weekly supply of Whacky Backy as Vic is about to drop another sprog.

Well Larrys eye's nearly popped out of their sockets when he saw Mustavafags stash. He made him an offer he could not refuse a straight swap his Cast Iron Mantle for the Whacky Backy. Mustavafag thought for second and agreed to the deal promising to inform Vic and Alb that he would get them a new Mantle as soon as he could from the Foundry.

Well Larry now had a problem he had a nice new Mantle but no Whacky for her indoors. He was deep in thought when he felt a tap on his hump. Turning around he found himself confronted with 11 Awks Angels. E're mate the ganger said to Larry we have got this very heavy Mantle for Vic and Alb, but we have lost our way in the Fog and its getting bloody heavy. Can you tell us the way or better still take us to Buck House, we will reward you well he retorted.

Without no further ado Larry led the 11 Awks Angels to Vic and Alb's Gaff, knocking on the door with the dustbin sized Gargoyle face knocker,they awaited a response. They only had to wait a week as the No 99 Bus from Dulwich East had got lost in the Fog, taken a wrong turning and ended up in the River Thames at Putney Bridge. They all piled on leaving Larry to struggle with the Mantle. The huge door opened and they were let in. The Lobby was huge like Fingels cave with a Tunnel leading in a westerly direction.

Reaching the inner sanctum of Vic and Albs private Ablutions was worthy of a Duke Of Edinburgh Award but seeing as none of them were boy Scouts the Bus conductor let them travel at half price.

So there they were, Larry, Tom,Mustavafag,Auntie Quasimodo,Sinthia and the 11 Awks Angels who by now had became very frustrated and in a moment of despair had reinvented them selves and were now 12. Drawing up all her strength Queen Vic who by now had blown in size due to the fact she was about to drop a sprog and had been stuck on the Crapper for 10 days with out Electricity and heating was not amused. ( I am looking for an ending here).

Deep breath all; CRAPPPEERRR.... she bellowed where is my Bone China Dungie with the hand painted Hyacinths on it! It's here Mamm he extorted passing it along a Daisy chain.

With her next breath she hollered MUSTAVAFAGGGGGGGG where is my Wacky Backy! Here it is your Majesty he retorted in his over accented way as he suffered with a cleft pallet and a pronounced lisp making the partaking of Liffy water damn awkward, he then passed it along the Daisy chain.

With her next breath Queen Vic called for Quiet but he wasn't to be found so she she gathered up her thoughts which by now had fallen on the floor along with the Daisy chain and was looking a right mess.

LAAAARRRYYYYIIIIIEEEE, she screamed wheres my Mantle, it's here he replied, he would have replied sooner but the GPO in this area are crap at deliveries particularly if one uses 2nd class stamps, so he took it from the 12 Awks Angels who by now were so cream crackered by the weight of the Mantle that they had slowly sunk into the deep pile Regency patterned carpet pulling Prince Albert the Prince Regent in with them. He then passed it forward along the now rather messy Daisy chain.

Good Old Queen Vic then stoked the fire up as she stuffed her face with the Wacky Backy which had been spread onto a piece of Wholemeal bread and covered in Strawberry Jam, she watched the flames flicker up creating shadows in the light of the flames as they reflected around the darkened room creating even bigger shadows onto the walls of the now very crowded Privy Ablutions.

With that her Waters broke Gushing over and putting out the Fire putting them all into a state of darkness, and what a state it was. What with the messy Daisy chain and 12 Awks Angels along with Prince Alb lost in the Regency pile, compounded by the fact that the son and heir to the nation was attached by his umbilical cord and teetering on the edge of the Regency pile.

With the relief of giving birth and at the joy of being able to stoke her fire under her brand new 7ft Mantle the Queen was so over joyed she pardoned the 12 Awks Angels and gave them a pension underwritten by some one called Maxwell Pensions for the rest of their lives.

Striking a match and in the glimmer of its flames Queen Vic then Knighted Tom Crapper and Larry who later became Sir Lazzer of Walthemstowe, she made a mess of Knighting Mustavafag resulting in him having to have 33 stitches in a place where only permitted peoples were allowed to go. And as for Sinthia and Auntie Quasimodo they were each in turn tied to a Donkey and led around Coventry City who had just lost 19 nil in the F A Cup final at the Millennium Stadium and were mighty pi55ed off, after 90 laps they were let off with a caution and told to go home to Romford where they lived out their days in deep Regency pile Happy ever after. kkma.

The River Trent at Stoke Bardolph, Nottingham was steaming through at such a pace that all the birds and ducks were being swept down stream even the resident swans were having trouble crossing the River. I estimated that they (swans) were traveling about 50/60 yds to my right as they set off to get to the other side and by the time they got there they were landing about 200 yds down stream. It would have been easier to have flown across but they opted to swim, dumb birds. The banks of the river were no where to be sen as it was lapping the side of the main road and into the car park.

I had about 3hrs of reasonable light to fish by, the temperature was 13.5 degrees C, and little or no wind. Setting up 2 ledger rods one was baited with sweet corn the other with 3 worms, guessing where the edge of the river bed was I cast into its murky deapths towards a slack area and near a tree but after 3 hours and no bites I called it a day and retreated to the Ferry Boat Inn for some Liffy water, aaaaahhhhhhh Bisto. kkma.

This idiotic "cool" statement was made at a table conference yesterday by a colleague of mine who is in his late 20's, a Scotsman and should have known better as he is an Educationist?

Cool statement as follows:-

That boat outside of the window has too much to say for it's self and the bloke who was in charge is too much in your face around here.

He was referring to Admiral Lord Nelson and his Flag ship the Victory. I along with several other of my group let him dig a very big hole for himself before I on a personal level told him to pull in his neck as he was running a tad close to Treason considering we were in the home of the Victory and possibly the heart of Nelsons fame. City Banker comes to mind.

I am very aware that times are changing and the further down the road we go particularly with history and famous people some things do not matter or are less important than they were 50 yrs ago but as far as I am concerned old Horatio still RULES. kkma.

Half year appraisals are due in, YUK! Big time. Any one else have to do them? kkma.

Happy New Year to one and all. I love the transition of the New Year coming in and the Old one going out just for a few moments it feels odd as it passes.

I know I was very merry with falling down juice and then the Port was poured? My apologies to all for letting it get the better of me and I do hope it did not put you off drinking with me on any future occasion. Lesson learnt. Oh yes the game "Cranium" is banned at any future NYE party, car boot sale comes to mind. Well done Mr and Mrs D for a great time. And thank you for the forwarded e-mails and Photo. kkma.